OSNews

Assembly Coders - these are extinct group of primitive
form of life before the advent of culture or
civilisation, althought having no access to
any formal human-recognizable language structure
they were amazingly versatile in their skills
to construct reality by pushing and popping strings of
little pebbles from holes dug in the ground. Ancient
arcade machines sometimes found in desolate pubs
testify to their once glorious existance.


C - C Programmers are more like highly evolved alien beings
from outer space who spoke purely in binary
and pointers. They often take the disguise as
unsightly middle aged man with beard and glasses
amongst earthlings. They do not care for the
artifacts of language or culture, they only care
for the semantics. Their job is to construct and engineer
the roads, the transportation, the network lines,
the infrasture that our civilazation have come to depend very much
on. They are very hard to communicate with as
intepreting their language requires unusually
greater IQ than most of our earthlings can aspire to.

C++ - C++ Programmers are born again C programmers
who realised their folly of seeing the world
in pure binary and pointers. They want to see
reality more concretely thus they talk in
objects and classes. More often than not,
C++ Programmers are still attached to their
old ways and their attempts to communicate
with others often result in abstrated
hodgepodge just as complicated as the C
language. Most C++ Programmers feel
they may have had a deprived childhood.



Java - Java Programmers are like C++ programmers
except they were brought up in aristrocat families.
Their manners in their language are refined and elegant
althought at times may appear slightly
pretentious and artificial. They are very
socially closed and mix with their own
kind only, basically they dont like
outsiders playing in their upper-middle class
private school sandbox. Being economically previliged
means they have ample access to inheritance
like network libraries, etc. Although their
reputation is good amongst corporate circles,
they are rumoured to be impotent when it
comes to GUI.

Visual Basic - Visual Basic programmers
are perceived to be like your every day a dime
a dozen computer science graduates. They
are naive, confident and sometimes a little brash
in their perceived ability to deal with the real world.
Their language developed from high school
jargons and street slang though highly
vulgar in the eyes of other programmers,
were often effective (or adequate) in solving a lot
of every day ordinary kitchen and sink
problems. Often the case, a job completed
by a Visual Basic programmer, thought cheap
and fast leaves little to be desired,
tales of half patched pipes leaking from under kitchen
sink are well known in the industry.


C# - C# Programmers are Java programmers
wannabes. wanting to achieve the same
social status and previledge that
Java programmers have, C# programmers
lacks the authentic social grace and ethics to
could help them rise above the
Visual Basic suburbia coarse mentality
that tends to predominate them. C# Programmers
also tends to like screen widgets that are glitzy.
They are the type of people
that the marketing department love
to target in their product focus group.



COBOL - Cobol Programmers are not really people, they
were actually mutated from hole-punch
card readers. they have no human affectations
and thus are very capable of churning out
millions of incredibly mundane and
humanly degrading pages and pages of
printed accounts reconciliation codes.
although they were disbanded
by the human rights organisation, Cobol
programmers were actively recruited just
before the millineum to solve the Y2k bug
which they were originally responsible for.



Fabled Programmers - the are many
species of programmers that claim
to exist but no one have ever met
any of these illusive creatures in real life,
althought they appear to be
very vocal in obscure scientific journals.
programmers who go under the
label of 'FORTH', 'OCAML', 'Awk',
'Lisp', 'Eiffel', 'ADA', 'Modula-2'
are amongst the most commonly
heard fabled programmers.


The New Generation - the New Generation
are a renegade group of programmers of various
culture and descend. although subversive to the
traditional codes, the new generation
owe their competency and agility to
their heritage developed from the fabled programmers.
the new generation are confident and feel
rightly justified
due to their years of experience and abuse
from working
under the oppressive regimes of all the
other programmers. their alignment
with the open source movement shows their
idealistic pursuit for freedom and self
determination. Python, PHP, Perl,
Ruby, Rebol, LUA, D are the
most commonly used languages amongst
the New Generation.


Perl - Perl programmers represent
a good example of the possible dangers of falling
into one of the new generation renegade groups.
Perl programmers suffer the dellusional belief
that the Perl language is a real programming
language. programs that are written
in perl (developed from layers of
very complicated command line options encrypted
in regular expressions)
often look like the work of a very mad
person, which enforces the common perpection
that all perl programmers are mad or cult members.
Perl programmers also have plenty of ardent believers
in the second coming.