Linked by Terry Shannon on Mon 7th Mar 2005 07:48 UTC
Editorial With HP's high-flying CEO Carly Fiorina departing, the company's woes are well known. But how did a firm with such a storied history and vast assets get headed down the wrong path, and what do they need to do to set their course straight?
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Who's Next?
by Bob Troll on Tue 8th Mar 2005 02:36 UTC

Lately I have been tinkering around with predictive information tools (PITS) and soon after Ms. Fiorina's resignation was announced I fed the question "Carleton S. Fiorina" and Who's next?" into ACE ("Artifical Chicken Entrails") which is essentially a modified Amiga motherboard equipped with one of the prototype "Cassandra" DSP chips, that for some reason, never became too popular with any of the merry-go-round of senior Commodore execs. Anyway after chugging away for a day or two (We are talking about a more or less bog standard 25 MHz Amiga 4000 here), ACE eventually responded with:

Predicted Event:

Timeframe of Occurrence:

Sometime within the next two years from date of prediction.
In close proximity to the shipment of Microsoft's Longhorn product.

Within one year after the launch of the Xbox2 product.

Current predicted specific probable range of dates: A Friday between July 14, 2006 and September 23, 2006.

Current predicted specific probable date: July 14, 2006.


Microsoft CEO Mr. Steve Ballmer will land an aircraft on the deck of the U.S. Navy aircraft carrier the USS Ronald Reagan sailing off the Pacific coast of the continental United States of America.

The media will provide extensive coverage of the predicted occasion. The event will be televised live.

Once the aircraft has landed, Mr. Ballmer will leap from the aircraft wearing an XP Blue jump suit covered with Microsoft and partner product logos.

Mr. Ballmer will run to the podium set up for the predicted occasion and shout “Mission Accomplished!” into the microphone.

The large crowd of civilian, military and media spectators will fervently cheer and applaud as if on cue.

Following the “Mission Accomplished” announcement and some brief statements related to Longhorn, Mr. Ballmer will quietly announce his immediate retirement from Microsoft.

Mr. Ballmer will explain that he is retiring in order to spend more time with his family.

Mr. Ballmer will then hand his job and a ceremonial brown paper bag to a Mr. Brian Valentine, salute the crowd and re-board the aircraft.

The aircraft with Mr. Ballmer will take off into a fading sunset, then circle back over the Reagan and perform a screaming low-level pass of the carrier, disappearing into the darkness towards the coast of the continental USA.

End of Predicted Event.

We still have not got the Video Toaster card to work with ACE yet, so there is no video. But we will keep working on it as time allows.