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Now let's move on to the Eugenia-stuff, so to speak. The phone has a 0.5 megapixel camera, and runs Nokia's Series 40 v2 platform (ROM version 4.10). Its display has a 208x208 pixel resolution (262000 colours, 3.1x3.1cm), and it's very bright, usable under any light condition (even in bright light, the screen is 100% usable). The screen is made out of some special sapphire stuff, also used in high-end watches, and very scratch resistant, according to people who tested this. It even has an integrated 3D engine powering its graphics.

The phone comes with a set of themes, and its tones and sounds are composed by award winning composer Ryuichi Sakamoto; ringtones can be in .mp3 or ACC. It obviously supports Bluetooth (I easily transferred my contacts from my PDA to the phone this way, and sending photos taken with the 8801 to a PDA or computer worked fine as well), but lacks IrDA; it does have EDGE and GPRS. It has an integrated handsfree speaker (very common on phones today). Like all modern phones, it has an .mp3 player, but since you are limited to its internal storage (64MB), the actual usefulness of this feature on this particular phone is dubious. The 8801 also has a radio; however, and this goes for the .mp3 player as well, Nokia still uses a proprietary audio jack, meaning you can't just plug in any set of headphones. Also, this phone is mono-only, so no stereo sound.

The phone also has an xhtml-capable browser, but unfortunately, for some inexplicable reason, the phone does not allow you to manually enter configuration settings for GPRS, and hence I was unable to use and test this function (my carrier does not provide automatic settings for the 8800/8801). This also means I am unable to test the instant messaging feature of this phone. Unnervingly, the same configuration problem exists for MMS. Update: Eugenia pointed me to this page at Nokia's website, which will send you the configuration details per carrier, per country, free of charge. It worked fine, too late for this review though. Still, it is a negative point that you cannot edit the configurations manually, and that you have to rely on this webpage.

Call quality of the phone is excellent, although the highest volume setting might be a bit too low still in for example a busy train or metro. Speaking of volume, the phone has no side buttons to adjust the volume; instead, you use the left/right keys on the keypad to adjust volume. Some may find this a problem, but I can assure you that you can easily adjust the volume this way without removing it from your ear (contrary to what some other reviewers have said).

The camera is, as the amount of megapixels indicate, very, very mediocre. No matter what I tried, I was unable to get good shots from various things in my home. You can change the size of photos (maximum size 800x600), activate night mode, switch to recording videos, and activate the timer so you can make photos with a delay.

Conclusion

There are two ways of judging this phone. One way, the Eugenia-way (the common sense way) which says this is a mediocre phone, with severe limitations; the camera is mediocre, the .mp3 player/radio are too limited, no stereo sound, no memory card slot, proprietary audio jack, no manual GPRS/internet/MMS configuration, fingerprint-prone casing, and so forth.

Then there's the Thom-way. This way says that this is the best phone money can buy, with stunning looks, very high build quality; a head turner, that's for sure. After some real world testing, I can say that this phone is a definitive head turner in public spaces. I guess for most people that's all irrelevant; they look for functionality, not form. Well, for those people, this phone is simply a bad choice. If you however are like me, and care a lot about image, style, and how you come across other people, this phone is a perfect match.

A sidenote should be made, though. You see, at some point in time, whether it be after two days, three hours, or 6 months; at some point, this phone's drawbacks will annoy the crap out of you. It will make you bite your nails off, it will make you want to throw the phone out the window.

But, you won't. You'll forgive the phone its shortcomings, much like Alfisti forgive Alfa Romeos for their lack of build quality and their constant breakdowns. Sure, you'll hate your Alfa when it's dead on the side of the road yet again; but at least you'll know that when she is not in that state, you have a driving experience like none other; you'll turn heads, you'll feel all warm inside for driving an Alfa.

You may wonder why I specifically said that the music in the video was "Gran Turismo" from The Cardigans. Well, I did not say it by coincidence. You see, that album has the same problems as the Nokia 8800/8801 (weird as it may seem): it's a great album, very melodic, floating in the air like Nina Persson's dreamy voice, overladen with style. But after the last song, you always have that same, itchy feeling: this album is too short. It could've should've been so much more.