posted by Thom Holwerda on Mon 9th Aug 2010 10:47 UTC
IconNow that I'm done with my internship and ready to take on OSNews again, I figured it'd be nice to start off with something light-hearted. I just read that Google bought an unmanned aerial vehicle equipped with a camera, ready to photograph whatever it flies across. We may consider Google's biggest threat to be privacy, but with all this computing power they have, their Street View cars, and now, unmanned flying drones, they look more and more like SkyNet to me. So, what's your most likely apocalyptic scenario?

There's all sorts of apocalyptic scenarios people ponder over - from SkyNet-like machines to alien invasions - but I'm curious what scenario you find most likely to occur, what you're planning to do about it, and how elaborate your preparations are. I'll obviously start.

The zombie apocalypse. It's going to happen eventually - I'm sure of it. It'll most likely be caused by some mutated virus or biological weapon (who knows what crazy stuff the Americans and Russians have stacked away), but when it does happen, we're pretty much doomed. The virus will sweep across the world at breakneck speed, and only those who have taken the necessary preparations will be able to hold out.

First and foremost, you're going to need instructional videos. Several have been made about this topic, but I'd advise against any of the classics by George A. Romero - for the simple reason that his hypothesis of slow-moving zombies will only facilitate complacency. It's better to simply assume the zombies will be fast and agile like in the Dawn Of The Dead remake or last year's Zombieland - this way, you'll be prepared for anything. Other decent instructional videos are 28 Days Later, the more child-friendly (light-hearted and all) Shaun Of The Dead, and the upcoming comprehensive survival guide The Walking Dead.

During the zombie apocalypse, Americans, Canadians, and other people with similar loose gun laws will be at a distinct advantage, due to the relatively ready and widespread availability of bullets and firearms. In more decadent countries like The Netherlands (where I'm from), we'll have to resort to rolling up our sleeves and going all Woody Harrelson on zombies' bums. Be sure to focus on longer melee weapons to avoid blood and/or saliva-induced infections.

If you do manage to procure a gun in these types of countries, don't waste the few bullets you'll have on zombies - save them for when things go tits-up. Do the children first. If you find a shotgun, it is customary to hand it over the prettiest girl in your group, since this greatly increases your chances of survival. We don't know why - it just does, okay?

As for my personal plans - a group of my friends and I have already developed our plan of action for the inevitable. We have found our place of refuge somewhere in Amsterdam - it has the best defensive traits, and a deep supply of food and improvised weaponry. We obviously can't reveal this location, since that would harm our odds of survival. I do have to travel quite a bit (destination on this Google Maps search is random) before I get there, though, but I'm confident in my ability to star in the ass-kicking business.

Right, what's your most likely apocalyptic scenario? What are you doing to prepare yourself?

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