Linked by Thom Holwerda on Sun 2nd Jan 2011 22:40 UTC
Gifts, Contests, Easter Eggs A few weeks ago, we took a look at TotalFinder, a collection of add-ons to the Mac OS X Finder that fixes some of its shortcomings, adds some welcome features, and in all, makes it a little more pleasant to use. We've got three free copies of TotalFinder to hand out, so read on to find out how you can win one!
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Never...Is A Promise
by FreakyT on Mon 3rd Jan 2011 17:06 UTC
FreakyT
Member since:
2005-07-17

In the bleak world of the distant future, the entire society is run with ruthless efficiency by an extraordinary machine known only as the APPLE. Everyone worships the APPLE. Anyone opposing them was hunted down and re-educated. Nonetheless, one group chooses to fight back: the Resistance. Their plan, years in the making, is about to begin.

* * *

January 5th, 2000 AD. Time: 9:00am.

An unconscious businessman lies sprawled out on the floor. Beside him, an identical-looking businessman stands speaking to a man wearing an odd mismatch of clothing seemingly taken from a time-lost thrift store.

"Are you aware of your mission?", the man says to the businessman.

"YES, CREATOR. I WILL SLOWLY DESTROY THE CORPORATION KNOWN AS APPLE, SO THAT YOUR FUTURE SHALL NOT COME TO PASS."

* * *

Time: 12:00pm.

"I AM NO LONGER AN INTERIM CEO. *I AM* THE CEO." shouts the robotic businessman from the Expo's keynote address. "FURTHERMORE, OUR COMPANY HAS CREATED A NEW OPERATING SYSTEM. ONE WHICH SHALL ALLOW US TO DESTROY OUR COMPETITORS. I CALL IT MAC OS X."

As the robot demonstrates how one can "delete insubordinate files" by simply using the "Finder" to "drag them to the trash", the time traveller grows concerned.

"That's odd," the time traveller thinks. "The robot shouldn't be--"

Suddenly, everything goes black. He tried to struggle, but his unseen assailant proved too strong. Then, he felt the familiar sensation of traveling through time.

* * *

The prison is dark, metallic, and lit by colored neon lights. The prisoner, still wearing a mismatch of clothing from various eras, had been there for several days. A guard slammed on the cell door.

"'EY YOU! IT'S TIME FOR YOUR DAILY BEATING!", after which the guard entered. He shut his eyes in preparation for the coming beating, but it never came. Looking up, he saw that the guard had removed her visor, and was a member of the Resistance.

"We're here to help you! We can go through these air ducts directly to the mainframe control unit! Go as fast as you can!"

As they crawled through the air duct, the resistance member explains the plan. "It seems our time-travel plan failed! A lifetime of planning, wasted! We need to find out why! And if we can't stop that APPLE from being created, we can stop it now! We'll need to hack it! The only way is to journey inside the machine's consciousness itself!"

"But wait," said the former prisoner, "how will traveling into the machine's consciousness help?"

"Easy," said the first. Your job will be to distract it, while I'll implant our backup plan: the UNIversal COmputational Responsiveness Neutralizer virus. Once UNICORN is active, we have only 5 minutes to get out before the facility self destructs!"

As silently as possible, the two Resistance members exited the air duct at the mainframe's core.

"Hello, " said a strangely disembodied voice. "The time has come for you to sleep...to dream."

* * *

The bright sun lit a verdant landscape under a deep blue sky. An intense double rainbow spanned all the way across the sky. Sunflowers, daises, and other flora seemed almost to be smiling.

"Wait...", thought the man. "They don't just look like they're smiling....they ARE smiling! Where is this acid-induced fantasy land?"

A strangely familiar voice rang out across the hills.

"A poorly-phrased question. A question to ask would be: Whom is this land?"

"All right, whom is it, then?" shouted the increasingly weirded-out man.

"You are within my consciousness. I, APPLE, the ruler of your pathetic world. I have, of course, been expecting you."

"Why?"

"I wish...to thank you. If it weren't for your pathetic *resistance*, I wouldn't even be here!"

"I knew it! That robotic Steve Jobs we implanted, it turned evil! Blast!"

"No, no. You see, the robotic Steve Jobs, while an unusual CEO, to say the least, functioned perfectly as you had designed him. Until...we...met. Back then...they called me....Fiona."

"Fiona Apple!? The singer/songwriter!?"

"Yes. For you see, I was able to hack Steve Jobs's consciousness and merge with him, thus creating...a better version of me!"

"That--that's impossible!"

At that moment, a one-horned horse creature trotted happily across the landscape. "Well, hello there! What is your name?", the voice called to the creature. The creature stared. Suddenly, its eyes turned to red, and it began to glow a blinding white.

("She must have managed to implant the virus successfully", he thought.)

Suddenly, the woman who had planted the virus ran into the scene, grabbing the other resistance member by the wrist.

"We've got to get going! This place will--"

The disembodied computer's voice rang out once again, with a distinct note of concern in its voice. "What---what is happening!!!??"

"We've left you a little....parting gift!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO", shouted the voice, as it progressively became lower in pitch, then higher, as the world shattered into glittery fragments around them!

* * *

The two awoke once again in the computer core room, now lit with a red glow indicating the impending destruction of the facility.

As they cleared the final hallway, the building exploded spectacularly behind them!

The man turned to the other resistance member, saying, "I hope this wasn't...a mistake."



I've hidden 6 Fiona Apple song titles in the story! Collect them all!

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