Humor Archive

Every now and then, you come across things that make the internet worthwhile. So yeah, there's this whole genitalia length comparing competition going on between Adobe and Apple, where both companies are actually arguing, with straight faces, which of the two is more open (which to me comes across as Mario and Zelda arguing over who's less of a sell-out). Luckily, though, there's the internet to make us laugh.

Yes, this is turning into a series - welcome to episode 3 (1, 2). Apple has been granted a patent on Cover Flow. This is a design patent, not a utility one; in other words, not the implementation is patented, but the look. "Think of it as covering the distinctive shape of a Coke bottle and not how it works and you'll get it," Engadget explains. This means that anyone implementing something that looks even remotely similar is in danger of getting sued by Apple. Compiz, Songbird, you're boned.

"Apple has won one of its USPTO patent claims for the iPhone, specifically covering the device's iconic steel bezel. While appearing superficial, Apple claims that the bezel is actually essential to impact resistance, and innovative in part because it merges utility with aesthetics. The part is flush with an iPhone's housing, inserted into a brace and held with a spring. It is also manufactured with cold worked steel, said to better accommodate design limits while reducing the need for machining." I put this story in the humour category because that's the only place I could put it without wanting to slit my own throat.

"A number of humorous yet undocumented features are hiding beneath the surface of some of the most popular open source software applications. Although easter eggs are generally easy to spot when you can look at an application's source code, there are a few that aren't widely known."

Continuing with our slow-news-week theme, I'd bring your attention to Dave Barry's year-end column. People outside the US may not be familiar with Barry, a prominent nationally-syndicated satirist whose columns are full of hyberbolic nonsense. But in addition to national and international events, he covers some technology news to, excerpted after the jump.

The Blogosphere has been abuzz over the past few days, with remembrances of the halcyon days of the internet viewed through the lens of atrociously-designed GeoCities sites. If you missed the xkcd GeoCities tribute, you'll have to be content with a screenshot, as it was a limited-time engagement. (Update: a mirror) The Archive Team is working on saving as much of GeoCities as possible for future generations. The internet is ephemeral, and, like ancient civilizations, it seems we're constantly building our new cities on the ashes of our old cities, but, this being the internet, in a much faster cycle. Like anthropologists who get excited about pot shards or shriveled woven sandals found in a cliff dwelling, a lot of internet old-timers like me get pretty nostalgic about how the internet used to be, and think it's worth preserving, or at least commemorating.

In an attempt to show just how slow South Africa's Telkom broadband is, a frustrated IT company had a race to see which would be faster: transferring 4GB by sending a USB drive via pigeon 60 miles away, or transferring the files via the broadband connection. There were even rules in place so as to not have any unfair advantage over the broadband such as "birdseed must not have any performance-enhancing seeds within." It was faster to send the data by pigeon than by broadband. It took the bird about an hour to reach the recipient station, and it took another hour to transfer the data to the other computer. The file being transferred via the broadband connection was still at 4%. Telkom said that it is not responsible for the firm's slow Internet speed. Winston, the bird, is safely back in the IT office, probably enjoying birdseed without any performance-enhancing caplets mixed in.

Since I think we haven't been having enough fun lately on OSNews, I decided it's time we do something fun for a change. We all have our little pet annoyances when it comes to other people's comments. Fixed expressions or comment styles that annoy the living daylights out of you. Here are mine.

That was my first reaction when I saw the headline. Should Hannah Montana and Linux even be allowed to be in the same sentence? Someone apparently thinks so. According to IT Knowledge Exchange, Hannah Montana Linux, obviously designed with Hannah Montana fans in mind, emerged recently on Twitter, being tweeted and re-tweeted so many times. It's been hosted at SourceForge and is currently available for download, but you had probably get your copy quickly because I'm sure the long, iron arm of Disney will find out about this project and quickly shut it down. Big companies are often touchy about their trademarks.

If the title didn't cause you to spit up your morning/afternoon drink of preference, perhaps this will: the mouse is specially designed to reduce noise pollution by 22.5 dB so that the precious ears of your fellow office workers or the kids running about your house won't be disturbed. Protect your eardrums from the menace to society (the mouse, of course) for only $30 US.

According to research that's supposed to be published later this year, growing demand for Internet use will soon outstrip the stamina of the infrastructure supporting it, and the Internet will cease to be reliable by 2012. Complete anarchy will ensue, and the world will essentially end along with the Internet we created for it. Perhaps this is what the Mayan prophecies meant?

Ok, so you just got a new laptop. You've been hearing about this whole "netbook" thing that's all the rage these days, and you wonder: am I cool? Do I have a netbook? You launch the internet (that blue E), and you ask Google "Do I have a netbook?" soon, you'll be swarmed by loads of terms that all seem to mean the same thing: a really small laptop. Enter The Register's netbook flowchart.

A recent YouTube video by Sun's Fishworks Lab's Brendan Gregg proves that vibrations (including shouting) will cause hard drives' latency to spike. But then, he only shouted at it angrily. Who's to say that perhaps blasting Mozart in your server room will cause the latency to drop? Perhaps telling each hard drive that he or she is special may even make their capacities grow!

The folks over at Engadget found some edible nerdiness. You've seen gingerbread men, gingerbread houses, but why not a classic gingerbread Mac?. While you're there, check out the edible laptop, Wii, and Kindle.